thought of the day

marching band is a stupid activity. Seriously, think about that previous statement. it is very true. we take world class music and world class drill and do them at the same time. silly right? who in their right mind would try to play Rachmaninoff while marching pass throughs at 160 beats per minute, or something around that tempo. I DO! why, because of the reward. all that hard work finally pays off when your school's name is the last called. from the stands all i hear is a thunder of cheers, and its all worth it. we didnt end our summer early, stay after school till dark, and practice on weekends for nothing. if you didnt truly care and want to succeed, you would have quit, because why would you waste your time? so if you do care, why do you come to rehersals late, waste time, and be disrespectful to those around you. seriously, grow up, if you hate it, quit because we dont want you if your going to act like that. if your going to come to practice and not quit, you might as well come on time and actually try so all your work isnt wasted. so seriously answer this question for me, why do you act like you dont care and not try to succeed? you havent quit yet so what is it?

love me

Dear boys,
You bring alot of confussion into my life, but you're really cute so its ok.
Love,
me

so it goes

The greatest thing Shakespeare wrote was "he died." because thats simply it. death is not something extravagant to make a big fuss over, for it is simply death. another stage it the process that we all go through. its peaceful. so "he died" is the best way to write it. so it goes.

shining eyes

music has been used to help people open their minds and create joyful harmonies that bring out the best in themselves and their colleagues.
majority of people think classical music is dying. some say you havent seen nothing yet. 45% are passionate about classical music. there is a bigger group that contains people who dont mind classical music. and the last group never listens to classical music. unfortunatly, the third group is the largest.
some people claim to be tone deaf. all of you "tone deaf" people, stop lying, no one is tone deaf. we all have a wonderful ear. otherwise, how can you tell someone with an american accent and someone with a russian accent apart.
deceptive cadence, where everyone can tell what the next note will be. take Chopin for example, his piece wants to go B to E. he lengthens out till we find home (E). We all know where home is. Stop thinking about every single detail in life and take a look at the big picture, longline vision.
a conductor gets much of the credit for a piece of music. it depends on the conductors power to make the power of the music. to awaken possibilities in other people. if you achieve this, you will know. how? if you get shining eyes your doing it. if not, who am i being that my childrens eyes are not shining.
it truly makes a difference what we say. never say anything if it cant be the last thing you ever say.
classical music is for everyone, even you, you just dont know it yet.
TEDWEBSITE Benjamin Zander, professor at New England Conservatory and conductor of Boston Philharmonic.

an email will do

im thinking about sending you an email. text messages dont hold enough space and calling you well i dont want to interrupt your fabulous life so an email will do. i cant sleep i cant think. i cant do anything now because i know that you're gone. i knew this had to happen sooner or later i just didnt want to face it. i use to wish that you had remembered. remembered us and the moments you probably dont think much about, but they're the moments that i hold so dear to my heart. life goes on and we meet other people. i guess i just wished my life would be some fairy tale and happiness could be found again, but life isnt so. but if your happy. if your happy with how things are then ok because i want you to be happy. u deserve it. u deserve it more than anyone i know. if this makes you happy i understand. ill be gone dont worry about me. just give me one email.an email will be the last you hear from me. an email will do.

thats me

you make me so mad. you say you want me to be happy, but you really dont. you could care less about my happiness. you hate that we dont share the same dream. you hate im not everything you ever wanted or hoped for. you hate im not a straight A student, that i have other priorities, that i think life is too short to spend it studying constantly. you cant stand me. you wish i wanted to be a doctor. you wish i wanted to be in the medical field. you wish i wanted to be anything but that. i dont want to be a doctor. i dont want to be in the medical field. i want to grow up and be that. That thing you hate. Thats me. all you care about is money. how much one makes. well i dont. i could care less if im living in a magnificant house or a shabby aparment because i will be happy. i will be me and do what i want. so you go ahead and complain and bash my idenity because i dont care. no matter what you say i will always be the one thing that you hate. because thats me.

goodbye.

my mind tells me no but my heart tells me go. i know its wrong to stay with you but i care for you too much to let go. you left me feeling heartbroken and alone. stranded on the lonely island of despair. why did you leave? everything was because of you. i hate for this to be goodbye but life moves on. it needs to move on. it will be a year in 2 months. so thanks for nothing. memories will fade lost in the backs of our minds. we cud incounter later not without knowing. goodbye my darling. goodbye.

im drowning

im drowning. im drowning and cant find the surface. i search high and low looking for that one place to break free, to escape whats happening. under the water i see nothing. i feel nothing but pain. im drowning in a sea full of despair and disappointment. its all too much. the pain, the loss, the stress. all compiled together into a destructive force that will never see defeat. at least thats what it looks like. so here i am about to be crushed from this force while drowning. i dont know if i will make it. im drowning.

spring fever baby!

SPRING IS HERE!! thank goodness, i thought it was never going to be here. one more day of school till a marvelous week off. laying in the warm sun, digging ur toes in the cool sand and hanging with friends. and of course practicing! haha need to improve. i need motivation though. i havent had any will to practice i mean no auditions coming up a concert in at least a month i mean there really no deadline to practice. for us musicians (if i am worthy to call myself that) should probably pratice daily to keep in shape with our breathing and other abilities. i really need to improve on fundamentals such as thirds appegioes minors different rythems. im working on a piece titled mozart's clarinet concerto. its a VERY famous piece for clarinet and EVERYBODY has their own personal opinion for it. which can be a good and bad thing if i dont perform it up to par. but within the concerto there is multiple thirds and appegioes. DING! this is why instructors force down on basic boring stuff like that in order to be successful in master works. haha boy i wish i practiced those. so anyway my goal is to practice at least an hour and a half everyday over spring break. some of you may think whoa thats a long time but the thing is, when i play music, i just get lost into it and everything around me is gone. its just me and my clarinet. this may be corny and lame but i like to practice pretending im in Lincoln Center or something like that playing for hundreds of people. well wish me luck. and have a great spring break
love
me

a conversation never to happen

we need to talk.
about what?
us.
what about us?
everything.
ok.
this conversation has never happen, i dont think it ever will. you always say we need to talk about us. well what about us? you wont tell me anything. yes we dated we broke up we still talk. well my question, r we just friends? o i sure hope not. it cant be just friends. i tell you everything. u tell me everything. u called me last night bc u were upset and need someone to go to. that cant be just friends. it has to be more, it must be more. sure we are far apart a whole miserable four hours apart. miles and miles away from ur gorgeous face and amazing personality. your hugs o your fabulous hugs if only our arms could reach those many miles would i feel complete. texting you just doesnt do it. its not enough. the occassional phone call puts butterfiles in my stomach when you say hello. just the sound of your voice, its enough. if only we could have our talk we both desire to have would i be able to tell you how i feel. ive never felt like this before a feeling that comes deep deep from inside a wonderful indescriable feeling i get when i see and hear you. a feeling ive never felt with anyone else. is it love? i have no idea. i cant tell you that bc what would you say. what if you didnt love me back? if you love someone else? to feel like all hope is gone and theres never going to b a chance for me. it could be all over if i tell you how i feel. the friendship.. gone. completely gone. never to speak. to never see or hear you ever again. i cant lose that, it seems better to just keep it to myself so that the friendship wont have to end. it cant end. i need you. your wisdom your influences, its made me what i am. if not for you, i probably would have never decided to follow my dream. a dream that everyone else believes i cant achieve. only you think i can. u believe in me. and telling you my feelings well, ill lose your support. ill lose it all, gone, washed out to sea and never to return. so ill just keep my feelings to myself and hope and wish and dream that one day you will realize and see me. see me as yours.

Carolina Sandy Beaches

regisistered as carolina sandy beaches, i remember the day we brought you home. i was five years old riding shot gun with my daddy. we pulled up to an apartment and stepped inside. you were on top the bed barking. we took you home and you laid in my lap all the way. you were john's surprise, he always wanted a puppy. you were everything a family could want from a dog. your engerjected personality always licking people up in their face. i have many memories of you. the time you fell off the dock and dad had to pull you back up. the day you cut your paw on an oyster while playing frisbee. i came home from school one day to see a massive hole in the front door. were you hungry? haha. i was roller blading in the yard and you bit me in the butt. ouch. i still love you though. always have and always will. but u got old. artheritis came and hit never got easier. you lost weight. you couldnt stand and use stairs so daddy took you to the vet. you couldnt make it inside so he carried you in his arms like when you were a puppy. the vet said you had a tumor in your stomach and he knew what was best. the tears were hot on my cheeks while you laid your head down to sleep, a sleep from which you will never wake. no the house seems empty. like we left something behind. i dont have to walk around you anymore and it hurts. ur thump thump tail doesnt beat anymore. but you will always be remembered in our hearts and in our memories. Sandy, you were without a doubt the best dog anyone could ever have. a marvelous 11 1/2 years. i love you.

no wishes or luck

we grow up believing anything is possible. that whatever we want will come as long as we wish and work hard. yes i believe that hard work will get people far in life, but not where they nessiarcly want to go. i have recently learned that wishes dont come true. they shouldnt even exist. all they seem to do is set people up for dissappiontment. dreams crushed. leaving you feeling hopeless, unloved, hurt, whatever it makes you feel. another thing is luck. luck doesnt exist either. no one gets by off of luck if you do well your life must be pretty swell. life takes legit hard work and sometimes its just sucks, but hey thats life.

Zomba

Zomba- a latin dance class i took tonite. i went to a fitness center with some friends to dance zomba. it was fabulous! haha i really enjoyed it. the class moved quickly with fast dance steps to the spanish music. the music was pretty modern with modern dance steps. it really works your arms and abs. so the five of us tested out our hot moves to the dance floor and we were.......... "successful". sure we got all the steps but we looked ridiculous! haha watching ourselves in the mirror walls was very enjoyable. i will most certainly go back to the zomba class. the teacher was crazy saying "let me see you shake it chickas!" shimmies, body poppin, and other crazy dance moves. i suggest everyone try something new, similar to zomba haha u will have a great time.
c ya!

welcome to my blog

hi there. well this here is my very first blog. woot. a place where the whole world can know what's on my mind. i never been a huge blog fan because why would you want people knowing everything about you? then i realized who cares theyre your thoughts why be ashamed of them? so i decided to make a blog because i finished my paper and got bored. anyways i guess i should introduce myself.
well im a sixteen year old girl just trying to make it through high school. the grades, SAT, college, o and of course boys! haha what girl doesnt have boy issues? so i really enjoy music i play the clarinet and like to doodle on the piano. i cant play piano but i have a great jealousy to those who do. i really like to fish with my dad, yeah hanging out with parents is werid but i like my dad. hes fun. i love my friends they are all great although sometimes they become a great annoance, but that happens to everyone.
um i dont exactly know what all to write because this would be a really flippin long blog if i told you everything but hey i guess the more i write on here the more you'll know.
so as you can tell i dont use upper case and proper grammer. yeah im cool. ha my break from proper english. so i must go to bed and indure school's stupidy but tomorrow is an early release so thats a relief.
until next time.
me